Name:Mame Diarra Ndiaye

Prof: Amy K. Albuerme

Date:12/10/2025

Society’s Expectations in America

Why do we live according to other people’s expectations? This question becomes deeply personal for immigrants, who must navigate the tension between who they are and who society expects them to be. American culture often presents itself as inclusive and full of opportunity, yet immigrants frequently face strict pressures, to speak a certain way, behave a certain way, and reach a specific definition of success. These expectations do not only shape personal identity; they impact mental health, education, family roles, and economic opportunity. In this essay, I will explore how societal expectations surrounding language, the American Dream, race, gender, and mental health influence the immigrant experience in the United States and reveal the gap between America’s ideals and its reality.

Language Expectations: The First Barrier and the First Judgment

Language is often the very first expectation that immigrants confront. The moment someone opens their mouth, listeners form opinions about intelligence, professionalism, and belonging. Scholars have shown that language is not just a communication tool; it is a social identity marker. Eunyoung Kim explains that “immigrant students in higher education are often inaccurately characterized and largely misunderstood”. Her research highlights that education systems frequently judge students based on their ability to use “standard English,” disregarding their actual academic potential.

This challenge is personal to many immigrants, including me. When I first arrived in America, I believed that communicating well would simply require vocabulary and grammar. Instead, I quickly learned that the real demand was sound: having the “right” accent. Teachers, students, and strangers often corrected my speech; not because the content was wrong, but because it did not sound “American enough.” This unspoken expectation to assimilate linguistically made it difficult to feel confident. Even when I performed well academically, I feared being underestimated because of my accent.

Rudyard Kipling described a similar experience more than a century ago. In American Notes, he writes that Americans “delude themselves into the belief that they talk English—the English—and I have already been pitied for speaking with ‘an accent’” (Kipling). His frustration mirrors the experiences of immigrants today: the idea that one accent is “superior” is both inaccurate and harmful. Ironically, the very people who judged Kipling spoke imperfect English themselves, revealing that “standard English” is more of a social expectation than an actual linguistic rule.

The pressure to master English quickly also creates emotional and academic strain for young immigrants. Many face classrooms where teachers expect fluency within months. Students may be intelligent and hardworking, yet still struggle to keep up; not because they lack ability, but because language acquisition takes time. This gap between expectation and reality contributes to an identity conflict: Should an immigrant embrace their original culture or change themselves to fit in? And why is society so uncomfortable with linguistic diversity when America claims to celebrate multiculturalism? At the end it just looks like a lie, everything.

The American Dream: Hope, Pressure, and the Weight of

Expectations

For generations, the American Dream has symbolized hope, the idea that anyone who works hard can succeed. This ideal pulls millions of immigrants to the United States, including my own family. My father believed that America would give me a better education and more opportunities. I believed it too. But what neither of us realized was that the dream also comes with pressure, heavy, constant pressure.

School counselors, teachers, and family members expected me to excel academically, enter a top college, and immediately begin building a successful career. They believed that success should come quickly because “America has everything.” Yet the truth was much more complicated. I had only two and a half years of high school in the U.S., and adjusting to a new language, culture, and academic system was overwhelming. Despite applying to countless jobs, I struggled to get hired. My parents interpreted this as a lack of effort, not realizing that job applications require English fluency, networks, and American experience, things I did not yet have.

This is a common immigrant experience. According to The Integration of Immigrants into American Society, the dream “inspires determination” but also imposes expectations that may not match the immigrant’s realities (National Academies Press). Immigrants often feel responsible not only for their own success but for lifting their entire family’s future. Failure is not just personal, it feels like a failure of sacrifice, a failure of all the hopes invested in them.

This pressure leads many to hide their struggles. Instead of asking for help, immigrants frequently push themselves harder, believing that difficulty means they are not working “enough.” Yet the American Dream rarely accounts for systemic inequalities, language barriers, or economic disadvantages. Even when immigrants show extraordinary determination, society still judges them against expectations rooted in privilege.

Social Norms, Race, and Inequality: Different Rules for Different People

American society claims that “everyone is equal,” yet social norms reveal a different truth. Productivity and success are valued so highly that rest, struggle, or deviation from the norm is often judged harshly. The Stanford Report notes that the language used around work shapes how people define worth and identity (“Power of Language”). But these expectations vary dramatically depending on race.

Sedney R., in her TED Talk, explains that as a Black woman, she was repeatedly told she “couldn’t” achieve certain dreams because people assumed her race limited her potential. She describes how these comments slowly weakened her confidence, even though she had the talent and determination to succeed. Unfortunately, her experience is not unique. Studies consistently show that Black students, even those born and raised in America, are often underestimated or discouraged compared to their white peers.

This inequality affects immigrants of color as well. Many African, Caribbean, and Afro-Latino immigrants report experiencing racial stereotypes for the first time in America. They may speak multiple languages, excel academically, or come from strong educational backgrounds, yet still be perceived as less capable. The expectation is not simply to succeed; it is to overcome biases that society refuses to acknowledge.

Furthermore, while immigrants are pressured to pursue the American Dream, society simultaneously doubts their ability to achieve it. This contradiction creates an exhausting cycle: push harder, prove yourself, and hope others eventually believe what you already know about your potential.

Mental Health: Expectations, Silence, and Hidden Struggles

Mental health is one of the least discussed but most critical immigrant challenges. Many immigrant cultures, including my own, treat mental health as a private matter or worse, a sign of weakness. When combined with American expectations of independence and productivity, immigrants often feel ashamed to admit they are struggling.

Robert Lisa’s study on Asian Indian immigrants found that pressure to maintain the “model minority” image leads to higher rates of untreated depression and anxiety (Lisa). This applies widely to immigrant communities: people feel they must appear strong, grateful, and successful, even when overwhelmed. 

Immigrants face unique mental health stressors:Pressure to learn English quickly, academic and financial expectations, fear of disappointing family, cultural isolation, experiences of racism or discrimination, and confusion about identity or belonging. Yet asking for help is difficult because society expects immigrants to be resilient. Many believe that seeking mental health support is a failure, not realizing that ignoring emotional pain can lead to far greater issues later. The silence surrounding mental health is one of the most damaging expectations in American society. It not only harms individuals; it weakens communities.

Gender Expectations: Old Norms in a Supposedly Modern Society

Gender roles have evolved, but many expectations remain deeply rooted. According to Kristin Luker, traditional American values hold that men and women have “intrinsically different roles,” with men belonging to the public sphere of work and women to the private sphere of home and family (Luker). Although society is more progressive today, these pressures persist in new forms. Women are now expected to:succeed academically, build strong careers,maintain perfect homes, raise children, and support their partners emotionally.

This creates a double workload that is often invisible but extremely demanding. The article “Major Career Woman?” shows that most middle-class women, regardless of race, expect to work continuously throughout adulthood while juggling family responsibilities.

Men face their own pressures. Michael Messner’s research shows that boys often enter sports not out of interest but because fathers and male relatives expect them to demonstrate strength and masculinity (Messner). Traditional ideas about male strength and emotional toughness still make it difficult for men to express vulnerability or seek help.

Both men and women suffer from trying to meet expectations that do not reflect their individual desires or strengths. Immigrant families often carry additional layers of cultural expectations about gender, making the pressure even stronger.

Conclusion

The expectations placed on immigrants in America regarding language, identity, gender, success, and mental health; reveal a country struggling between its ideals and its realities. America promises opportunity, yet often pressures people to fit a narrow definition of achievement. Immigrants are encouraged to dream big but are also judged for the very differences that make them unique. A truly inclusive society must embrace linguistic diversity, redefine success, support mental health, and break away from outdated norms. Only then can America live up to its promise of being not just a land of opportunity, but a land of understanding, acceptance, and genuine possibility.

Works Cited

 A “major career woman”? How women develop early expectations about work, by Sarah Damaske

Kim, Eunyoung. Outside In: Outside in: Minorities and the transformation of American education. Seton Hall University.

Kipling, Rudyard.American Notes . 1897.

Lisa, Robert. Depression, a Hidden Mental Health Disparity in an Asian Indian Immigrant Community, international journal of environmental research and public health, 2015-12

Luker, Kristin. K. Luker -Abortion and the Politics of Motherhood – Ch.7 (1984) University of California Press, 1984.

Messner, Michael. “Boyhood, Organized Sports, and the Construction of Masculinities.” 1990.

Stanford ReportThe power of language: How words shape people Stanford Report, Stanford University.

Sedney, R.Expectations, Social Norms, and the Battle for Your Dreams …www.youtube.com › watch “Expectations, Social Norms, and the Battle for Your Dreams.” TED Talk, YouTube.

The integration of immigrants into American society. National Academies Press.

Stanford ReportThe power of language: How words shape people